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By now, you may have started to notice the Inner Judge in daily life.
Not as an abstract idea,
but as a familiar presence.
A voice.
A tension.
A subtle pressure to be “better,” “nicer,” or “stronger.”
If so, a natural question arises:
Where did this come from?
The Inner Judge Was Once Useful
Before going further, it’s important to say this clearly:
The Inner Judge did not appear because something went wrong.
It appeared because, at some point, it worked.
For a child, the world is not philosophical.
It is immediate and relational.
Safety depends on connection.
Love feels like survival.
So children learn quickly:
What brings closeness?
What brings distance?
What causes tension, silence, or approval?
Without thinking, the nervous system adapts.
Conditional Love and Invisible Rules
Many of us grew up with love that was not openly withdrawn,
but subtly conditional.
You may have learned that love came more easily when you were:
- Quiet
- Helpful
- Successful
- Emotionally easy
- “Understanding”
No one needed to say it out loud.
Children are experts at sensing atmosphere.
Over time, an internal rulebook forms:
“If I am like this, I am safe.”
“If I feel that, I should hide it.”
This is not pathology.
This is intelligence shaped by environment.
Control, Overprotection, and Absence
The Inner Judge can emerge in many family dynamics.
Sometimes from control:
being told who to be, how to feel, what is acceptable.
Sometimes from overprotection:
where the child learns that the world is dangerous and the self is fragile.
Sometimes from emotional absence:
where attention was inconsistent or unavailable.
In all cases, the child learns to monitor themselves.
To adjust.
To anticipate.
To judge before being judged.
As adults, we often blame ourselves:
“Why am I like this?”
“Why can’t I relax?”
“Why am I so hard on myself?”
But inward judgment is often safer than outward conflict.
If the problem is “me,”
then the relationship remains intact.
This strategy once preserved belonging.
The Inner Judge is not cruel by nature.
It is loyal — to old conditions.
When people first see this pattern,
they often rush toward blame.
Blaming parents.
Blaming society.
Blaming themselves for blaming.
None of this is necessary.
Understanding does not require accusation.
Simply noticing that this pattern was learned —
not chosen —
changes its weight.
Something softens.
The Body Remembers Before the Mind
Often, this realization is not intellectual.
It arrives through the body.
A tightening when trying to say no.
A heaviness in the chest when resting.
A quiet anxiety when doing nothing.
These sensations are not errors.
They are traces of earlier learning.
The Inner Judge speaks through the body
long before it speaks in words.
This is the point many people need to hear:
Having an Inner Judge does not mean you are broken.
It means you adapted.
And adaptation can be unlearned —
not through force,
but through safety.
Safety grows when judgment is met with curiosity.
No Need to Rush Toward Change
At this stage, there is nothing you need to do.
No behavior to fix.
No habit to correct.
If anything, rushing to change can strengthen the very pattern you are seeing.
Instead, allow this understanding to settle quietly.
Like sediment in water,
clarity appears when movement slows.
Rather than asking,
“How do I get rid of this?”
You might gently ask:
“What is this trying to protect?”
“What did it once help me survive?”
These questions do not demand answers.
They simply open space.
And in that space, the Inner Judge is no longer alone.
This is enough for now.
＊This is Part 3 of a series exploring self-judgment and inner awareness.
If you enjoyed this article, please give it a few claps!
— Yuki, Qigong Practitioner at Empower Labo Zen Japan
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